It’s often said that Necessity is the mother of Invention. If that’s true, then Annoyance must be Invention’s Great-Aunt Clara.
I recently discovered this latest branch of Invention’s family tree on a lengthy road trip with my brother and my 5 year old son. I’ll give you a little background info, and then I’ll throw my new idea out there for your thoughts.
If you’ve ever travelled with children for a distance further than your mailbox, you understand that every set of The Golden Arches is a beacon that calls to everyone too young to pay for their own meals. On this particular trip, I decided that since I was asking my son to sit still for 11 hours in the car ( a time frame that he chooses to measure in seconds instead of hours–39,600 seconds to be exact), I thought that the least I could do for the kid is treat him to a Happy Meal. So 26,346 seconds into our trip, we pulled into McDonalds to grab some dinner. We dutifully placed our order for one grown-up meal and one McNugget Happy Meal. In no time at all, we had food in hand and were headed back to the car. I’m gonna give you three guesses as to my son’s first request. I’ll help you by letting you know that the request didn’t involve nuggets, apples (the sensible non-fry alternative), or beverage. So go ahead….guess.
Yep, you guessed it. The Toy!!
This particular toy is the source of my discontent. Normally the Happy Meal toy is a promotional object for the latest Disney movie or the current children’s cartoon dujour. But not today. Today’s choice was a music CD. Kidz Bop, to be specific. I’m not even going to get into the whole “why do they have to spell ‘kids’ with a ‘z’?!?” conversation. Another day, another blog. Anyway…where were we? Oh yeah….Kidz Bop.
For those uninitiated among you, the Kidz Bop series of CD’s takes songs that are currently popular among the 15-25 demographic, then hijacks them and has them sung by a choir of children that sound so sugary sweet that they make the kids who used to sing with Barney look like the cast from The Sopranos.
On the whole, I have no problem with children singing. It’s usually pretty fun. I do, however, have a problem with 8 year olds belting out “My Humps” by the Black Eyed Peas. Some songs, no matter how catchy, just should not be covered by children. Most of the songs that fall into that category can actually be found IN the Kidz Bop collection. Hence, my annoyance. This brings me to my latest brainstorming success.
Since we still live in a capitalist society (at least we did when I started writing this), I figured I could cash in on the trend with a slight tweak to the formula. This is where I’ll need some feedback. My idea?
Kidz Flix!! (Complete with funky misspellings!)
I’m going to take some of America’s most successful films and remake them, using children as the main characters. Who says “Goodfellas” can’t be kid friendly? With a few dialogue alterations and Nerf baseball bat substitutions, that movie could be a perfect selection for Family Movie Night! “Pulp Fiction” with it’s witty banter could easily be shown as an after-school special. “Fight Club” becomes a great lesson about dealing with bullies AND psychosis. It’s a can’t miss venture!!
All it takes it placing child actors in the roles and some simple script re-writes, and POW!…you’ve got KIDZ FLIX! And don’t worry parents, the soundtracks will be available as well, due to a joint venture with your beloved Kidz Bop Music.
So one day, when your child gets a Happy Meal and it comes with a DVD copy of “Raging Bull: Kidz Flix Edition”, don’t thank me.
Thank Great Aunt Clara.